


The Winchesters Have Never Been To Wall

by hellpenguin



Category: Stardust (2007), Supernatural
Genre: Crack, F/M, Vulgar Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-07
Updated: 2008-10-07
Packaged: 2017-10-08 03:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/72321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellpenguin/pseuds/hellpenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winchester Boys enter MarketTown looking for a charm and leave with more than they bargained for. Also, Dean meets his soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Winchesters Have Never Been To Wall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pheebs1](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=pheebs1).



Dean and Sam double check the map. The car idles on a dirt path, and ahead of them, in the middle of a field, is a giant city made of tents, glowing brightly like a giant mishmash circus, like a dream made real.  
“Are you sure we're in the right place?” Dean isn't sure of what they'll find in that city.There better not be clowns.  
“Well it's not on the map, really, but it's right where the witch said it was. I say we park the car and go in.”  
“Fine. But I'm bringing the knife. And if there are clowns there, I'm killing you.”  
So the boys end up walking into MarketTown. The inhabitants barely spare them a glance as they stop, abruptly, and take in the sights.  
“Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore,” Sam mutters. Dean starts to say _you're Toto, dumbass,_ but he's speechless.  
Everyone is wearing bright colors and selling the most random shit they've ever seen.  
“Hey, you two!” They turn to see a guy wearing two hundred hats beckoning them over to his little tent. “Want to see something strange and unusual, something that confounds the mind?”  
“See it everyday,” Dean shrugs, but curiosity pulls him over. “Which oddity are you referring to?” Sam warily walks over, too.  
“For the first time ever: half woman, half bird. Ladies and Gentleman-”  
“You're the lady, Sam,” Dean smirks.  
“Straight out of the myth, a FAIRY!” The man whips a cloth off a cage, and Sam snorts loudly.  
Inside the cage is a small girl with hummingbird wings. She is naked and beautiful, and glaring at them. Her hair is bright red and her nose is long and pointy, like a beak.  
“Oh my god, Sam, it's a motherfucking _fairy_!” Dean tugs on Sam's sleeve like a little kid.  
“What are you looking at, bitch?” She shrieks, her voice miniature and bitter. “How about tossing me some clothes?” She crosses her tiny arms in front of her tiny bosom and glowers. “Pervert.”  
Dean's eyes get wide. His jaw drops. Sam turns away and laughs into his hands.  
“Take a fucking picture, it'll last longer. How do you think I feel, having to stare at a monkey's ass, ugly? If I wasn't in this fucking cage I'd kick your ass!”  
“Quite a mouth on her,” Sam says between laughter. “Reminds me of someone.”  
“Shut the fuck up, Sam.” Dean elbows him, hard, in the ribcage. He looks up at the seller. “How much?”  
“You think you can fucking _buy me_ bitch? I'm not a damn dog!” The fairy shrieks, jumping up and hovering, wings flapping faster than is visible, her hands gripping the bars of the cage. “I'm going to bite your fucking _face _off!”  
“All your memories before you were three,” the seller announces, his skyscraper of hats wobbling as he throws the cloth back over the cage. “Please,” he whispers, desperate, “Take her away, she's driving away business! I'll even drop the price if you don't tell anyone. How about all your memories before you were 2?”  
Dean turns to Sam, hope in his eyes. Sam bites his fist. “That's a lot of memories, Dean. You won't remember Mom.” Dean frowns. Then he gets an idea, which never bodes well.  
“Hey, buddy, I'll help you out. But I've got a better memory than what happened before I was two.” He glances at Sam and then whispers in the guy's ear. The seller's face lights up.  
“That will more than pay for the fairy!”  
“My fucking name is Amber, you ever think to ask, dick weed?” Her voice is muffled by the cloth, but still very loud and very, very screechy.  
Minutes later and Dean is holding the cage in his hand, looking immensely pleased with himself.  
“Dude, what did you barter?”  
“That's for me to forget and that guy to do whatever freaky shit he wants with it.” He takes the cloth off the cage. “Hey there, little lady.”  
“Oh _hell no_ you did not just use that and fucking _mean it_. You are such a douchebag.” She tries to bite his fingers through the bars of the cage.  
“My name's Dean Winchester, and this here's my brother Sammy.” He maneuvers his fingers and puts on his shit-eating grin.  
“Do I look like I fucking _care?!_” She sits on her perch and glares daggers at him.  
“I think I love her,” Dean whispers.  
“Dude. She's a fairy.”  
“_You're the fairy_, Twinkletoes,” the fairy mutters. Dean smiles. He stops and rips off a piece of his shirt and passes it through the bars of the cage. The fairy looks at it with disgust. “You have _got_ to be kidding me. I'm desperate but I'm not _that_ fucking desperate.”  
“Come on, Amber, I don't have anything else. Unless you like being naked, and I'm totally cool with that.” She makes a face and reluctantly tears the scrap of cloth from his fingers. A second later and she's sporting a tiny dirty toga.  
“Dean.” Sam is _looking_ at him. “I'm worried about you.”  
“Shut the fuck up, Sam,” both Dean and Amber say at the same time. They look at each other. Dean beams. Amber looks pissed.  
“Look, can we just find what we're looking for?” Sam sighs. “Let's just find the charm and leave.”  
“Did you say charm, young man?” They look, startled, over to where a beautiful woman at a stand is smiling angelically. “I happen to be a purveyor of charms and the like.” Sam blinks. She has long wavy blond hair and a vaguely familiar face.  
“I'm sorry, do I-” he walks over.  
“Know me?” she laughs. “What sort of charm were you looking for, handsome?”  
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Dean rolls his eyes. “Come and get me when you're done flirting.” He walks away, cage in hand (“Stop fucking jostling the cage, asshole! I'm not your _luggage_!”).  
Sam blushes. “Um, a charm to keep spirits away. I'm told it's large and powerful. I assume it's made of iron-”  
“Iron? No. It's made of glass.” Sam gapes. She holds up a glass flower, a lily.  
“You've got to be kidding me, right? That's a flower. A _breakable_ flower.” The woman just lowers her lashes and smirks knowingly.  
“I think you underestimate magic, Mr...?”  
“Sam. Sam Winchester.”  
“Well, Sam, I think you need to lower your expectations. You want to keep spirits away, correct? This is all you need. What have you got to lose?”  
“Fine. How much? All my memories before I was three, right?”  
“I only take one form of payment. What use do I have of memories?” She laughs, like bells, and beckons Sam over, brushing aside the curtained opening to the tent behind her. Sam can see a huge bed-like heap of pillows inside.  
“Oh. Oh, um, I couldn't-” He backs up, waving his hands in front of him. “I couldn't take advantage-” She walks towards him, pouting, a familiar facial expression that puts Sam on edge.  
“My dear, sweet, Sam. I think you've got the wrong idea.” Just when Sam starts to feel relief, she says, “It is I who is taking advantage of you,” and kisses him.  
It's a kiss that tastes familiar, and it's easy enough for her to pull him into the tent.

*********

“Sammy!” Dean jogs up to Sam's side. “Man, you won't believe what I bought. Show him, babe,” Dean holds up the cage. Inside, a petulant Amber models a miniature leather outfit- jacket, pants, and bikini top. Her red hair is spiked. She looks like a miniature biker babe.  
“Check it out, bitch, I could totally kick your scrawny ass without even touching you,” she shrieks. Dean grins wide.  
Sam doesn't see anything or say anything. His hair is messy, his eyes are dazed. His shirt isn't really tucked in and his fly is undone. He stands there, staring into space, looking hypnotized.  
Dean got hypnotized once (Sam told him afterwards, laughing so hard he was crying like a baby), and he had sung “Man, I Feel Like A Woman” in a falsetto. Dean remembers none of it and therefore denies it ever happened. Except that Sam memorized the key word. He only uses it when they're drunk, though, when Dean's about to get action and leave Sam in the dust.  
“Sammy? Whoa, buddy, you in there?” Dean waves his hand in front of Sam's face. “Sammy!”  
“Huh? What?” Sam blinks and turns to Dean.  
“Whoa, Sammy, what happened to you when I was gone? Did that chick-”  
“Got the charm. Let's go.” Sam starts toward the car. Dean looks at Amber.  
“That bitch got some aaaaaction,” she makes a face and shakes her tiny head.  
“I fucking love you.” Dean's eyes go all soft. She rolls her eyes at him.  
“Damn straight. Have you _met_ me?”

************

Nine months later, while Dean and Sam are doing a job in Kansas, there's a knock on their hotel door. They grab their shotguns (Amber perches on Dean's shoulder, holding an iron-tipped toothpick) and open the door.  
Bobby stands there, holding a basket and looking as terrified as they have ever seen him. “Sam, I think you'd better see this. This arrived at my door. It's addressed to you.” Sam takes the basket from him.  
Inside is a baby, swaddled in brilliantly-embroidered cloth.  
Sam's eyes go wide. All four of them stare as the baby with Sam's eyes giggles and reaches for Sam.  
Amber drops the toothpick. “Oh, _hell no_.”


End file.
